Um... not to sure about this.

this is a bit of a monumental moment in time. I don't really know what to say. after all, this is my first blog entry ever in my life. not that anyone will read it. but i suppose that it is possible that some random person stumbling about the virtual highway that is the internet might some day fall off and into the ditch and come across this "blog" so called. there were several people that influenced me to start a "blog". my father being one of them and also a few friends that blog. but they don't know that i have started one. i am not telling anyone. yet.

and even though it is unlikely that there will be many cars in this ditch, still feel the need to preform. I spent a half an hour trying to figure out a good, impressive, not too Jesus-e, yet full of abstract symbolism, name. maybe someday i will explain this "name" so called. i am not sure why i am saying "so called" so much. but i digress.

it is interesting, even though i know that not one person may ever read this, i still feel the need to make it my best. to preform, as if there was an audience. as if the whole of mankind was following every word that i wrote. (maybe it is the fear that some pretty girl that i know might find this and read it and think less of me, perhaps womankind is a better word then.)

i think we all have a fear of being judged. but isn't that only because we ourselves judge? yes. (you may in fact be judging me right now on my apparent lack of knowledge of how to use the shift key)

but why do we do that? why do we judge our brothers and sisters, point out their faults and their struggles? because humans have an innate desire to say to themselves, "ha i am better that that person." even though we know in our heart of hearts that we are no better than that person next to us. (in fact, some of the things that go through my head, might qualify me for the worst person to ever live competition. but am i alone in this? i think not.)

so this desire to preform, and be the best comes from our "need" for people in this world to think well of us, even if we don't know who it is we are trying to impress. that is exhausting. and this is why. no matter what we do, we will never be the best. you could find the most obscure thing to be good at, but i guarantee you won't be the best. and even if you were the best? what do you gain? really? fame? power? money? stuff? respect? the second you die, all of that means nothing.

even mature christians do it too. they look at everyone around them in the world and see how screwed up and messed up it all is, and then they see their brothers and sisters struggling with addiction, and sin, or maybe even those who are just not as mature, and we say to our selves "look what i have done. i am not blind as they are. and look how i have grown in my walk" as if anything that we had done was of our own strength. I am fooling myself.

you know who is the best? who will always be number one?

Christ.

Yeah. I know right? Jesus Christ is number one, and that is simply who He is. He is First. whatever i can try to do, He can do better then me, whatever i think up, He has already though of. what ever i accomplish, He could have done with out me. and it is He who gives gifts of knowledge and character to those He chooses, and it is only Him that sustains us. He is completely self sufficient, and yet, not only did He create us, not only does he think well of us, He loves us. SO much. like crazy. there is nothing i could do to make Him love me more, there is nothing i could do to make Him love me less. I could be preaching His name to the world, or i could be sitting in the darkest pit of my soul, and He would still love me perfectly and absolutely. and it is because He is so nuts for me that He made me.... first. He went to the cross for me and sacrificed Himself completely for me. and when you come to grips with a love so complete and unconditional and fulfilling, how can He not be first?

so let me just say that this will not be the best blog you will ever read. maybe i am dong that on purpose or maybe i just am not very good at writing. maybe both. yes. both. but that is because the greatest blog ever written has many entrees, and much more abstract symbolism than this.
a love letter from Jesus Christ to the world. (wow that was cheesy, but true) and that is why

He is first.